First I need to thank my friend Stephanie of Luminosity for taking this after church on Sunday! It was a beautiful day and nice to capture the day that Benjamin was dedicated to the Lord. This family photo has gotten a lot of sweet comments in life and online from friends and family. It also kind of lets me take a deep breath and look at why I am so exhausted every day :) We never really see ourselves in these moments because we as moms are usually rushing through them. (I am even wearing a baby now while I attempt to type this and counting down the minutes until I have to put him back in the car seat to go get the preschooler.)

You see, I look at this photo and all I can see is my heaviness. Although I did the best to disguise my body, I see it in my face. The struggle is real mamas. I am in danger of missing the blessings because I only see myself as heavy right now. I even get messages from other mamas trying to schedule their photo sessions saying, "I want to lose more baby weight to take these photos." I GET IT. If you follow my story at all, my fitness after kids was hard won. I have always been athletic but carrying twins and then another in less than 2 years took a toll on my physically and here I am again after number 4. I am here to tell you all that it's OK. It's OK if you are the mom that can't put her jeans back on after 4 weeks. I will be praying to have my real jeans back on by Benjamin's first birthday! This is why I even endeavored into health coaching in the first place. I am here WITH YOU. I struggle with the same things but I KNOW that persistence and hard work do get results. Despite what some may tell you, magical wraps or potions won't really get the job done for the long term. If they did, we would all do them.

I have to tell you that I follow a girl on instagram that had a baby via c-section the same week as Benjamin and I WANT TO PUNCH HER IN THE FACE (too much?!) :) But really, she was running 4 miles after like 6 weeks and just yesterday posted that her baby girl slept 8 hours?! Well, my sweet 12 week old didn't get that sleep memo! And you know what, if I can run two miles it's a good day. I am bone weary tired. It's the kind of tired that hurts. Everything just hurts. Don't get me wrong, I know that mothering and caring for four precious children is a GIFT. It's a gift that comes with a lot of responsibility though.

Here's the hard truth, all we get is now my friends! My smaller jeans don't even go over my thighs but my kids are healthy. I tried to put on a shirt yesterday that the arms wouldn't even go through, but I fall into bed with a (tired) smile at the end of each day. I even dreamt last night that I was in a world of girls shopping for extra smalls and I couldn't find any extra larges! I wanted to cry in my dream. I know though, it's all about perspective. I am doing my best to take my journey back to a healthier weight for myself as a daily adventure. I am taking it one day at time with healthy choices. If you want help on your own journey to fitness, feel free to connect with me! I love accountability and I will be in your corner to tell you that you can do it too! (emily@emilytroutmanphoto.com)

For real ladies...at my heaviest, I weighed MORE than my 6' 3' husband....I get it. I have been there. I know it just takes one foot in front of the other in the right direction! Off to get that preschooler now...and I hope you have a wonderful weekend!

Emily Troutman Photography