I keep seeing all these posts like “all the books I read this year” or “the best of my photography” or “what I have learned this decade” or heaven forbid that “ten-year challenge” photo post that keeps circulating. I don’t want to see the ten-year challenge, because if I am honest I don’t necessarily want to see how old and tired I look. The truth is, ten years ago I had 6-month-old twins in the midst of a bittersweet season. The sweet was the children but the bitter was so much more with complicated relationships and deeply struggling finances that led to the short-sale of our first home. Sometimes you don’t want to peek back into a time or place in your life that you remember had so much heart ache, even along with the joys and the ways that God provided.

All these posts by other people just have me wishing I was MORE…more organized, more talented, more on top of business, more on top of parenting…or even the post last week that had me guilty for DAYS for allowing my children to believe in Santa. I am serious, I questioned whether my decision to allow them to believe in Santa would somehow ruin their faith. Crazy, right? Tell me that’s crazy. But this is the reality of the 24/7 internet culture when we constantly allow for others voices and opinions in our heads.

Here’s the thing, I daily look around and think I should be doing more…yet I cannot possibly do more than I already do. I see the socks I have washed, the meals I make, the emails I return, the photos I take, the counters I wipe, the kids papers I sign, the homework I help with, the students I taught…and all those countless small tasks that fill up our days. I am here to say, if you find yourself here with me, it’s OK to be right where you are. So I don’t have a beautiful, thoughtful post on what 2019 was or wasn’t to me?! I don’t have my favorite top ten photos from the year to share with you. I don’t have 5 points on what this year taught me. I don’t have all the miles I ran accounted for or even a solid book list of what I have read (why is using something like Goodreads so hard for me?!). I don’t even have an exact calculation but I have done something like at least 700 loads of laundry in the last 365 days. I have also made countless meals, given countless hugs, prayed countless prayers and stayed steadfast in hope. I really have struggled with consistency in areas that I would love to be more consistent in, even this very blog, for example!

The final month of this year will definitely stay with me. I had a small health scare which jolted me into the realities of what really matters. Don’t worry, I am fine (Praise God!!) but walking through the open doors of a cancer center holding Matt’s hand had a way of laser focusing on what is important in my life. All these roles I play are different ways I use my gifts and fulfill my purpose. These small things I do every day are the things that make up a life. If I get to go greater work, then that’s just icing on the cake. Looking forward to 2020, I know I need to take better care of myself both body and spirit. I can’t allow the “shoulds” of life to dictate my days.

A few clear highlights for me of 2019 were some beautiful weddings I was a part of capturing and officiating my first wedding ever in November. I captured many families and even met Joe Biden this year. I can’t say that I have met a Vice President before! A big family highlight was adding a furry family member, Nellie, to our home. Here’s a few favorite images of the kids and the dog from the end of the year session in the woods. Wishing you health and happiness in 2020!

Emily Troutman Photography