Monday Confessions, Out of Steam
We are starting week 7 of quarantine if my count is correct and things here in Delaware are getting worse, not better. We got the news this week that school is out for the year and there’s been a steady climb in coronavirus cases, instead of a decrease. This is all extremely discouraging, because it means we are going to be in this isolation for a while. I feel like I am all out of steam. That motivation and optimism I had at the beginning of this is waning. I found a little empathy from a line in an old poem earlier this week so I thought I might share.
“April is the cruellest month, breeding
Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing
Memory and desire, stirring
Dull roots with spring rain. “
~T.S. Eliot, The Wasteland
I always thought that was a sad way to look at April, but now it makes sense. T.S. Eliot wrote this famous poem during struggles with depression and insomnia, among other things. He wasn’t looking at spring as hopeful, which most of us tend to do. We tend to see spring as the rebirth, the new life springing forth from the cold dormancy of winter. Eliot is writing here that hopeful spring is in contrast to what he’s feeling in his despair.
I can relate a bit to those feelings this year. As a mom and a photographer, May is usually a busy but great month for me. This year, I don’t have any work to look forward to or any of my kiddos events and celebrations. I am also trying to finish strong a semester of teaching and doing “crisis school” with my four children. This is not only hard on my spirits, but extremely hard financially as well with no photo work.
It’s hard to take it all in, knowing that others are suffering so much worse. The heaviness of the COVID 19 pandemic is taking a toll on everyone. I just want you to know it’s entirely OK if you are feeling heavy hearted. We are all handling this differently , so there’s no one right way. Make sure that if you feel acute emotional pain or depression, call a friend! The stress of this season could really impact anyone already struggling. We know we will get through this season together!
