Eastern Shore Sunset, Salisbury, MD

Silk Ribbons by @tornandtied (on Instagram)

Details and set up by @mandaweaver and @littlerustyshop (on Instagram)

       This image was just a week ago as I arrived at Providence Farm, Salisbury, Maryland.  I was there for the Seasidebride Workshop hosted by Manda Weaver and a handful of others. It was a great time to get away for the night, make new friends, shoot some styled sessions and think about business. It's hard being both a creative and a business person. I can't speak for all creatives but sometimes the "business" part can suck the life right out of me. I have a long business to-do list, including the update of this very website. In the midst though of all the thoughts about what I need to do though, it was good to just shoot for the sake of being creative. I'm still editing much of what we worked on during those couple days and some things are under wraps awaiting submissions but God gifted us all this beautiful sunset as we were leaving last Wednesday evening! It reminded me of the original creator and how we are in his image. 

"When you're taking on creativity, you're taking on soul work. This is not about what we do - the is about who we are."

- Brene Brown on Magic lessons podcast with Elizabeth Gilbert 

Sunset on the Eastern Shore, April 5, 2017

Monday Confessions, Apple of Your Eye

    I was trying to get in some morning reading yesterday before the morning chaos but it just wasn't happening. I got the kids settled and my first cup of coffee made, only to come across this quote from exactly a year ago on my phone. I don't know who to give it credit for but it was absolutly the most timely words I needed to hear. 

"If you’re running yourself crazy trying to be more and acquire more, to the point where your children are a distraction rather than the apple of your eye, is it worth it?

Better one handful with tranquility than two handfuls with toil and chasing after the wind. (Ecclesiastes 4:6) "

     I've been thinking this over for the past 2 hours and it's hitting me hard. It's a longer story than a blog post, but wrestling with motherhood, calling and priorities has been a constant in my life over the last 8 years. Even getting away overnight last week to the Seasidebride Workshop, I was wrestling with these questions. The above bible verse seems to be giving me some clarity, in that it is better to have a little less (insert material things, success, etc) than it is to have more of those types of things and be constantly stressing. The whole idea that I could be treating my kids as a distraction instead of the main subject is pretty convicting. It is my prayer this week that I can start to see ways in which I allow this mentality to creep in and pray that I would be shifting more to a heart posture of keeping my family the main focus. I think it's even more meaningful that this is Holy Week, the week of the year where we remember Jesus' last week in human form on earth.

     Obviously all the other things I am responsible for are really important as well, like teaching and this very photography business, but I need to make choices to keep my time well spent and my sanity in tact. Busy mom friends, how have you found ways to keep the correct focus? (I won't even dare say "balance" because I don't think that exists!)  

       Here's a cute iPhone shot from yesterday's egg hunt and Easter bunny visit! (I had all 4 kids there by myself so there was no chance of me having my big camera and chasing!) Hope you have a beautiful week! 

Eater Bunny visit 2017

Odessa, Delaware Family Session

Remember this beautiful wedding couple from 2013? They're old friends of mine and I adore the opportunity to photograph their growing family any chance I get! They're expecting a baby boy in the next month and we had a family session to celebrate. Their sweet Della is preparing to be a big sister and will turn two this summer. How cute is she?!

Newborn, Wilmington, DE

    I know I always say it, but it's such a sweet honor to photograph a family through all of its seasons! Will & Taylor are new parents welcoming sweet Kaleb into their little family. It's an exciting time and one I love being able to capture. The miracle of a beautiful healthy baby is not lost on me. The newborn days are fleeting, so here's to remembering them!

A sweet blue nursery full of adventure details for a little prince!

Such a cute nursery isn't it?

Monday Confessions, Thoughts on slowing down & a few blogs I'm loving!

     It's surprisingly Monday again and honestly, the last few weeks have been a blur of days. I or someone in my home has been sick for three full weeks. I have personally gone through the flu, bronchitis which then morphed into a sinus infection and horrible ear infection. I will spare you the other details of what I have been dealing with but can I just say that I am ready to be well?! The calendar turned to spring this past week so I am hoping the weather cooperates and we can all get healthy. This winter has truly been the most sicknesses I have ever had as an adult in one season. What is all this illness revealing to me? It has been showing me the need for rest.

    I think we all mistake a full, busy life with a life of meaning, which is far from the truth. We "push through" even when ill and think that there's some imaginary award for being tough. I've been forced to try to rest and recover, but it's been a stuggle. I'm really slow to learn on this one. I've read lots of recent books on this topic, yet I haven't put it into practice. So in this season of basically being forced to rest, I am hoping I am learning more of what matters day in and day out.

"If we want to live a Wholehearted life, we have to become intentional about cultivating rest and play, and we must learn to let go of exhaustion as a status symbol and productivity as self-worth." - Brene Brown , The Gifts of Imperfection

  On a totally separate note, here are a few blogs I'm loving lately! 

The Small Things Blog - I've followed Kate Bryan for years. I love her personal style as well as her home and other things she shares. I've even made this delicious coffee cake recipe she shared not too long ago! 

Image from Small Things Blog 

Joanna Gaines (of course! Who doesn't love her?!)

Image from Magnolia Home

Young House Love's recent post on lighting fixtures has me itching to do some updates! 

Images from Young House Love blog

One Little Momma - accessible style for moms (although I don't think I would try the overalls thing! It's cute on her but I am just not built for it!) 

Image from One Little Momma blog

Emily Ley's recent post on book suggestions!  

Image from EmilyLey.com

Monday Confessions, Sick Day

(Not my image, not sure of original source but this dog is WAY cuter than me at this point!)

     It's Monday and I have a confession. Last Thursday I woke up with a fever and chills. I took meds and started to perk up so I thought I was OK to go out. Can I just say that if I had to make the same decision again, I would STAY HOME! Seriously, sick people should stay home. I thought that my symptoms would pass in a day but they only got worse and by the weekend it was horrible. I don't know for sure if I have the flu but I didn't necessarily want to deal with a doctor's appointment and test only to tell me that I have the flu and there's nothing they can do for me other than what I am already doing. So I confess that I went out sick and I apologize to the people that I might have exposed. I have learned my lesson! I also have been grateful to my husband for picking up the slack while also not feeling well. Also, a huge shout out to my in laws that helped us with a couple kids, meals and groceries this weekend!  

   This is my kids spring break week and every plan we had has already been altered or cancelled due to sickness and the impending Nor'easter headed our way tonight. I am trying to take the positive spin and not be entirely dissapointed. Thankfully two of the things that got cancelled the kids didn't know about yet so they aren't affected by it. Just hoping we get a spring break re-do after this mess of a week! Stay warm and safe out there! 

Monday Confessions, Current Favorites

Today I thought I would share a few current favorite things I am loving!

1. Zac Brown Band, My Old Man song caught me off guard the other day and I got choked up. The whole song is touching but towards the end these lyrics get me,

"My old man
I hope he's proud of who I am
I'm trying to fill the boot of my old man" 

2. Cold Brew Tea: It brews in cold water in 5 minutes and helps give some flavor if you are just "over" drinking so much water. I basically drink my cup or two of coffee in the morning and then drink water the rest of the day, so sometimes I need other options with a little flavor. 

3. Bringing up Bebe because I need a breath of fresh air from crazy American parenting and pressure. I could actually probably write and entire post on what I've been experiencing with the expectations of modern American parenting. I am sort of convinced that it will send both the parents and the kids to the crazy house.

4. HIIT Class at my local Y: It literally kills me but it's a "hurt so good" kind of pain. I know it's getting the job done and it's making me do things that I might not choose to do myself. It's 45 minutes of different moves and circuits, usually 45 seconds on and 15 seconds off. You never thought 45 seconds was so long in your life until you take a HIIT class! 

5. Overnight Oats: I love this simple recipe for overnight oats and you can get creative with toppings like toasted coconut or sliced banana (I don't usually put the banana in over night personally). Really easy and healthy if you need some options for crazy mornings. I do sometimes warm mine up if it's chilly out and I want warm food in my belly! 

Newborn Baby Girl, Townsend, DE

"She is loveliness itself." -Jane Austen, Emma

    I am always honored to be asked to photograph a newborn baby. The miracle of a precious new child is not lost on me. I think the more I grow in age and wisdom, the more I know that it is truly an honor to get to be a part of this moment in a child's life.

    This past week, I got to meet sweet baby A and photograph her in all her pink, cuteness. As a mom, I know how fast these moments fly and how fast the baby will change. In a newborn session I seek to capture all the little details of the newborn, as well as the story of the family. This sweet family even included some fun, furry members and we didn't miss out on including them in the session! Sweet baby A was just 5 days old here!

Sweet Benji at 18 Months!

       Happy Monday friends! Today I will share a handful of shots that capture my sweet Benji at 18 months old. I shot these last month (because he's already actually 19 months) but I know how the time is fleeting! Matt and I were looking through a lot of old photos and videos over the weekend, which tugged at our heartstrings. It truly is amazing how the days are LONG but the years are so SHORT! We hardly remember much about our twins being babies and welcoming Maxwell only 23 months into parenthood :) We went from no kids to 3 kids in less than 2 years, so we've learned the importance of trying to take photos here and there to remember! 

       When I tell you this kid is pure joy, we mean it! He's busy and never stops, but his laughter is infectious! We are thankful for this little bundle of personality to bring up the caboose of our family. We all love you Ben! And yes...he's already a huge super hero fan!

Taking a taste of Hans solo...

I love his chubby baby hands that are quickly changing...

Thanks for bringing us so much love and sweetness Benji!

Engagement Session, New Castle, DE

Hey friends! I missed yesterday's Monday confessions because it was President's Day and I was crazy with four children at home. We also had a birthday luncheon and then a birthday party so it was a full day! I wish I had magically figured out by now how to be both Mom and business owner in perfect balance, but alas, I have not yet managed that. The lists of things I want to accomplish grow longer instead of shorter, but in the small moments I try to remember what matters. 

In that spirit, love matters! I got to shoot a sweet little engagement session over the weekend with Hannah and Caleb. Their story all began when Caleb's sister, who was a friend of Hannah's, asked Hannah if she could give her number to her brother. The rest was history, as they say! These two sweeties are looking forward to a late May wedding in a beautiful country setting. I can't wait!

Monday Confessions, Recent Reads

    Remember how last week I had all these great plans? Well sickness knocked me down and out along with Benjamin, so our week was altered. I was thankfully on the mend by Friday and enjoyed my birthday very much! Thanks to my husband, family and all the friends who made it a great day. My 35th year is looking promising!

     As for my confessions, today I have been up since 4:30am listening to the crazy wind blowing. It sounded as if the house would blow down multiple times! Instead of my regular confessions today, I am going to share some recent reads with you. I am just sharing my own opinions and if I would recommend the read or not. (Apparently I am still on a pretty big non-fiction kick and sorry if some of these reviews get long! Just skim if necessary :) I realized that I should be posting my winter reads a little more often because there's been so many. Here's a handful I chose and in no particular order, here we go!

Just Mercy by Bryan Stevenson; This is a non-fiction work by Bryan Stevenson, recalling his work with those found on the wrong side of the law. His stories are varied but almost all heart breaking. His particular focus as an attorney is to help those that can't afford the proper representation. He has fought for many on death row, some who were wrongly convicted. Honestly, a lot of the stories are hard to read. They're full of sad realities but the thread was trying to find justice for all. Mr. Stevenson continues to champion for those who have been wrongly condemned to death. This book forced me to contemplate heavy questions, such as if I even support the death penalty (that's a whole different topic on it's own). He questions all different areas of the law on things from how we should treat children or mentally ill when convicted of crimes. All in all though, I found myself inspired with this read. It's uncomfortable to be exposed to things in our society that need work. I was reminded that these incarcerated people are humans, with their own stories and complexities. I had the particular pleasure to hear Mr. Stevenson speak just a couple weeks after finishing his book. I found his speech just as inspiring as his book, encouraging us all to get uncomfortable and proximate to issues in our community. My rating: a must read

Hillbilly Elegy by JD Vance:  I have been hearing bits about this book so I grabbed it at the library. It's the story of a young man being raised with Appalachian hillbilly roots and how he now sits on the other side of having served in the US Marines and  earning a Harvard law degree. His writing is poignant at times and in touch with the white working class poor of America. I could find some common ground with parts of his story, although certainly not to the extreme of some circumstances. When I was 13 years old, I served on a youth trip week where we worked in a small Kentucky town. My crew worked on a dilapidated trailer on a Kentucky mountainside, which was home for a sweet family. I learned a lot about the plight of coal mining families as well as challenges to rural life. So much of what I witnessed as a teenager is exactly what JD describes here.

 There was a line his grandfather said to him that stuck with me. His "Papaw" told him, "Our generation has made our living with our hands and your generation is going to make your living with your minds."  You know I always love a good memoir, as well as a story where the underdog wins. (The timing of reading this right after Just Mercy was also intriguing to me because I has just contemplated the struggles of many poorer African Americans while reading Just Mercy. Following up with reading the similar but different plights of the poor white American population made for good contemplation.) My rating: A good read if you know a hillbilly and like a memoir

The Nightingale by Kristin Hannah: This is a WWII fiction work that I really enjoyed. It was a wartime story so there were lots of hard things still, but the resiliency of the human spirit to survive is always something I enjoy. It's definitely a longer book but there were lots of different characters  and stories developing. I learned a few new things as well, which is always a bonus. My rating: A good read, especially if you love history or WWII or France :) 

She Reads Truth by Amanda Bible Williams and Rachel Myers:  This is another memoir but it's interesting because I was written by two authors. Their stories are woven together beautifully along with the truth of God's word.  I found myself so encouraged both by the women's stories and by the lasting truth of scripture. I already loaned this book to a friend but probably will read parts of it again. If you love the bible and a good written memoir, this book is for you! My Rating: great read

The Invention of Wings by Sue Monk Kidd: This is a historical fiction work set in pre civil war Charleston, SC. It was also a longer read over decades of time so there was a lot of character development. I would say in the end I enjoyed the characters and historical commentary, but it did start to feel drawn out after a while. I guess I didn't realize but I have been reading all different eras and perspectives on the American struggle to get where we are today. I don't alwa My rating: good read

Grace Not Perfection by Emily Ley: This is a great read for women in my stage of life or any similar stage of young adulthood. It's a beautifully designed book and has a bit of a "workbook" style in some sections to help you think through the chapters. I liked her easy and honest writing style but to be honest, the content was similar in vain to some other things I had recently read. Don't get me wrong, it was still helpful and enjoyable read but it wasn't as fresh for me because I had also recently Present Over Perfect and Loving Your Actual Life. My rating:  an easy, helpful read

I am currently in the middle of a few books at once so I need to focus in one them and finish. I get major book ADD when there's so many things I want to be reading! What's your reading style? I can definitely read lots of non-fiction at once, but I guess it's not saying much for my productivity or organizational style is it?! I also always get lots of questions on "finding time to read." I have to say, I really just have to make time like anything else. If I am honest though, if you cut out social media or just "phone scrolling," you can definitely get some books in instead! 

Hope you all have a great Monday and don't blow away out there!

Monday Confessions, February morning

    I woke up to the hustle and bustle of a normal Monday around here, with the exception of the realization that it's my birthday week. I have been all over the place about turning 35 (Hello! It's super, uncomfortably close to 40 right?!!). Some days I am totally fine because it's just a number, but other days I have found myself walking down memory lane wondering just how it has gone this fast?! I was just 30...  It's Monday though, so life goes on and so do my duties! Here goes a few confessions for you...

Shauna Niequist's blueberry crisp was my breakfast of choice!

1.     I had some frozen berries that inspired this berry crisp for breakfast. Plop some greek yogurt on a warm bowl of this and you'll have a heavenly start to your day! I honestly could eat the whole thing myself, but alas, this is not a good idea for 35 year olds :)  This also works as a lighter dessert if you're looking for ideas. (It is considered clean eating too as a bonus) Check out the recipe here on Dinner a Love Story.

2.    I confess I am on my second cup of coffee, but at least the second cup I made was decaf. 

3.    I missed listening to the live stream of IF:Gathering in Austin, TX over the weekend. It's a powerful women's conference full of well known authors and speakers, but that's not all. It's a place for women to be encouraged in their faith and told to live in their own spheres making a difference for Jesus. The messages come not just from those well known people, but every day ladies living for Jesus. Thankfully they are allowing the messages to be streamed through today, so get on a check it out! I had the bluetooth speaker on in my kitchen while doing all my daily duties. I've already been challenged and encouraged while folding clothes and loading the dishwasher!

      I admit that I am often cynical about technology and it's affect on this. Opportunities like this though, make me thankful for all these technological advances! Get on the site and get encouraged today! (Only available through today for free or you can order the digital downloads).

4.   I confess I am thankful for both encouragement and coffee this morning because I am a small business owner in tax season. Can you hear the sigh coming from me? It's no fun, but I try to remind myself that it's a privilege to live in a country where I can own my own business. It's a gift to own a flexible business that allows me to be with my kids daily. So if you find me buried under all these papers and receipts, just remind me of my own words!

5.    How about that super bowl last night?! It was such an exciting game even though I confess I am not a huge NFL watcher. I was rooting for the underdog but those Patriots just kicked it into high gear at the end! I don't even know what to say about Lady Gaga but she sure did put on a show. What do you think? Did you love her performance? 

In a world where you can be a lot of things, lets just try to be kind. That's my goal in life today! A "recent reads" post will be coming on the blog soon as well! Have a fantastic week friends!

Newborn, Middletown, DE

"The most precious jewels, you'll ever have around your neck, are the arms of your children." (unknown)

This is my sweet new niece, Penelope Jane and she entered the world just a couple weeks ago! She was about 10 days new at the session. Enjoy all her squishiness, I know I did! Welcome to the family kiddo! 

Monday Confessions, a January morning

  So I confess that I really feel like I am winning at Monday, although if you saw me still in my PJ pants or my house, you might disagree. I feel like I am winning because I already got 4 children up, dressed, fed, backpacks and lunches packed and got the three big kids off to school all on my own! I was cutting it close on timing but still got everywhere there before the bell! I've also gotten loads of laundry going and a pot roast in the crock-pot. I heard once that if you know what's for dinner by 10am, you will be a lot less stressed and I entirely agree!

My breakfast iPhone shot....

So here goes the rest of my confessions...

1. I have been drinking hot lemon water first thing in the morning and then keeping the lemon water going the rest of the day! I kept reading about the benefits of adding in lemon water to start your day, so I've been doing it for a few weeks. It supposedly helps everything from metabolism, to liver and digestion functions. I am going to stick with it to see if I notice long term benefits! If nothing else, we all know it's definitely good to get your body hydrated first thing after sleep. 

2. As for my breakfast, I've been loving yogurt with granola and berries when I don't have time for cooking eggs. Our town thankfully got an Aldi's within the last couple months and it's been amazing for me to get fresh produce at great prices. (I also love Produce Junction but it's farther away!) 

3. I confess we've been home bodies over the last week because between weather and sickness, it's our only option. I am thankful though that after a busy holiday season, having some time to try to get a handle on things at home is a gift. I spent most of Saturday afternoon with the twins creating their solar system projects for school. I love seeing their creativity come alive! I've really been reminded lately that childhood is often messy and not aimed at productivity like adulthood. This might sound obvious but I think a lot of times we want our kids to act like adults. We should let our kids be kids and enjoy the creative process! (My son is Uranus, ask me how many jokes a second grade boy can make out of that one?!!!)

iPhone shot of kiddos at work over the weekend!

4. We got sucked into an original Amazon series called The Man in the High Castle and it's so good! Matt and I rarely agree on tv shows that we want to watch but this one we both love. Without giving anything away, imagine if the USA had lost WWII and we were all speaking German or Japanese! It's a fascinating concept and extremely well done. We only have a couple episodes left of Season 2 and will have to wait until the fall to see Season 3 with everyone else!

5. Our town finally got our own Y! This has been a great excitement for me because it's allowed me to get back into classes while cute Benji plays with other little guys. So far I have loved Body Pump of course and also been to HIIT and boot camp classes. They sort of remind me that I have a ways to go to get back into the fitness level I was at before having Ben, but we all need goals right?! It's the perfect time of year to get into a routine and it's also nice to have some activities outside of the house. I still have a soft spot for working out at home when I can, but it seems less realistic with an extremely busy toddler right now! (I mean the kid can even turn on the dishwasher so I have to watch him constantly!) 

Terrain & Creative Inspiration

    Remember how just a couple weeks ago with the turn of the calendar I promised to be committed to the creative process? I am so guilty of not shooting personal work for fun or inspiration. I find this both baffling and understood with my season of life. Some days I can barely make it through with four kids and all the needs of a family, much less having a personal "creative" time. I keep reminding myself though, creativity is part of who we are as human beings. We are made to create, in the image of our creator.

   That being said, today I sat down to actually edit some images I shot for inspiration in the fall. Yes, I know the fall has already been a while but we all know how November through January can be! As much as we desire to slow down, we live life in fast forward during those months. These are some images I shot while visiting Terrain  in Pennsylvania, one pretty autumn day. I also love how the internet brings connections we might never before realize because Fox Fodder Farm from Brooklyn, NY was there putting together florals for a wedding. I have followed them on social media for some time so it was neat to see them working in person! I just shot a handful of images because they were busy working to prep the wedding site and I didn't want to interfere. (I had my cute pint sized companion as well :) Enjoy my collection of inspiration from the visit! 

Florals: Fox Fodder Farm

Florals: Fox Fodder Farm

Florals: Fox Fodder Farm

Florals: Fox Fodder Farm

Florals: Fox Fodder Farm

Other scenes around Terrain...

      If you made it this far, thanks for following! I realized I sadly missed yesterday's Monday Confessions segment due to 4 children home and the littlest one coming down with a fever. I loved seeing everyone else's MLK quotes though yesterday. He was truly inspiring in life and speech! His wisdom seemed boundless and I am thankful for his influence in our country. It was touching when my 5 year old explained to me the difference between not judging "because of someone's skin color but because what's in their character." His kindergarten class studied MLK's speech and did a peace march through the school. May you find ways to love and serve this week!

Winter Maternity, Wilmington, Delaware

“What good is the warmth of summer, without the cold of winter to give it sweetness.”

-John Steinbeck

     Is there anything better for a photographer to wake up on the morning of a maternity shoot with snow falling?! I don't personally think so! I was already excited to capture this former bride and groom as they expect their first baby, but waking up to snow falling was the icing on the cake! I got nervous though as I headed north and snow hadn't started yet. As a photographer, I do love natural light and the challenges that different seasons bring. It sure was chilly but it was that peaceful quiet of both the early morning and snow's arrival. The weather gave me my wish when small flakes cascaded down as our session was wrapping up. Wishing Will & Taylor all the very best as they wait for their son's arrival in early March! 

We did a  wardrobe change and the snow started gently falling for a perfect ending to our session! Look at this beautiful mama!

We all can't wait to meet you baby Kaleb! 

Monday Confessions

     It is 17 degrees here in the Northeast this morning, can you say it feels like January?! My big kids had a 2 hour school delay due to ice a snow, which I was actually thankful for. It gave us more time to bicker over getting on things like shoes and brushing teeth ;) I kid, I kid...they were pretty good about enjoying the extra time but getting ready. Of course it's Monday so it's time to confess...

1. We have been struck down by sickness, including myself. I confess that after a week of antibiotics I am finally on the mend! If I could just get rid of this lingering cough that would be great. All the sickness has been putting a damper on my plans to get to the gym! (I got there this morning though!)

2. If you love a new cookbook with things you can actually make, you will love Rachel Hollis's Upscale Downhome. I am actually borrowing it from a friend but loving the recipes and thinking I might need my own copy! I confess a handful of the things are recipes I already make like the Sticky Ham 'n' Cheese sandwiches and the spicy corn dip, so it gives me confidence that these are recipes I can handle. Her philosophy and back story are also great! She shows you how to create a fun party on a budget. 

3. Friends, I watched Me Before You over the weekend. I am a fool because I even knew what was coming and it reduced me to tears. I am that girl that still watches a movie hoping the plot changes from the book, but alas, it stuck to the story. If you haven't seen it, it's a tear jerker but adorable all the same. It makes one ponder some deep questions on the value of human life but that's another chat for another day. I did actually really like the soundtrack too, so check that out!

Well my internet friends, I have to keep today short! I have a long list of photography business and teaching prep to get to before the baby wakes and it's time to get big kids from school! 

I will leave you with a little John Steinbeck for your afternoon,

"What good is the warmth of summer, without the cold of winter to give it sweetness."

Monday Confessions, on Tuesday!

    This photo cracks me up because it's far more honest than the one I actually put on my christmas card with the cherub smiling faces! It's also pretty much how all of us felt this morning getting back into the grind with the kids back to school. Thankfully though we had all prepared well last night so we were ready this morning as much as we could be. The slow, soft rain falling did not help anyone get out of bed though! With the new year, I will share a few goals of mine with you. (And I get it, goals are easy to set, not easy to accomplish. I mean remember how every year for the last 3 years I have sworn I would get more organized around my house?! If you check my closets, you will see that is still a far reaching goal.)

   Last week I got  a little alone time and used the Dream Guide from Jennie Allen to think through some areas of my life.  I like how she gives categories and then some sub-categories to ask yourself a few questions in. I just did this over a bowl of soup so it doesn't have to be a crazy in depth process if you're intimidated. So where did I land with all of these thoughts? 

1. Self-Care needs to be a better priority this year. I know, it's a classic "mom" thing to just let yourself constantly ignore your own needs in order to care for everyone else, but it's legitimate. When I say self-care, it encompasses everything from sleep to exercise to water in-take. We all get on the merry-go-round of life and let important things go the wayside. I've been inconsistent in sleep and exercise since having Benjamin almost 18 months ago. So much of life has been daily survival, that I had forgotten I function so much better when I at least pay attention to the basics my body needs. 

2. Spiritual focus is important this year. So many of us also let the disciplines of bible reading and prayer fall fast to the back burner when life gets in the way. I certainly don't mean any of this legalistically, such as if I do these things, God will love me more. No way! I know for a fact that his grace is sufficient in my weakness. I just know, like with the other self-care, that the better I am tuning in to my spiritual practices, the better I will be in my daily life. I am far more patient with my kids in the morning if I have spent a few minutes with a devotional (& maybe a cup of coffee too ;) 

3. I want to be committed to the creative process this year. I know this might sound simplistic, but so often as a photographer I create for clients. I am often guilty of not taking the advice I give to my students to always have personal projects going as well. I miss the act of creating for creativity's sake. Photography is my usual medium of choice but I miss the days when I would do ceramics or paint or other tactile creative endeavors that had me experiencing the creative process on a different level. I love these lines from Brene Brown, 

"There’s no such thing as creative people and non-creative people. There are only people who use their creativity and people who don’t. Unused creativity doesn’t just disappear. It lives within us until it’s expressed, neglected to death, or suffocated by resentment and fear."

We all need to create as an act of being human and I think it's another thing to important to neglect this year! I don't know what this will look like this year or how it will play out, but if I don't put it out there, it never will!

4. Renewal in relationships is also important. We can get into patterns with our spouses, our kids, our friends and sometimes we can stay there. Sometimes I find myself in a pattern with my kids that I know I need to break, like being impatient. The good news of a new year is that it is an opportunity for a fresh start! I am going to use this flip of the calendar page to make some changes in the relationships I hold dear.

5. Keep reading...all the books ;) I have realized how much in this season of my life, I still need to learn from people. When I was out in the ministry and working world for more hours of the week, I interacted with people on a deep level all the time. In a way, I still do this all day with my family of course but it's on a different intellectual level than I was used to. I have found that keeping up with reading and podcasts have kept my mind stimulated in times when I get weary of conversations with little people! 

Monday Confessions, Day after Christmas

       Life with kids often involves the unexpected. This year's unexpected was two of my kids having a stomach bug on Christmas Eve, in between the church part and the go-to-bed-so-Santa-can-come part. It was definitely a long night for both the boys and for us. It got me to thinking though, what in life really does go according to plan? I was so thankful that although the sickness was rough on them, it was over by morning and they got to try to rest up and enjoy Christmas.

       The day after Christmas kind of always has a little bit of a let down feeling for me. It's all over...it's that strange week of the year that I have to cram in family time, end of the year business decisions, reflections over the past year and contemplate goals for the new one. It can be hard to carve out family time, yet at the same time give myself some head space to deal with all of these thoughts. I struggle to say, but lately I have felt a bit in survival mode. All these different intentions I had set for myself kept being challenged or changed....much as our Christmas had been changed with taking care of the kids coming before the fun. I keep being hard on myself that I really should be able to do it all and wear a smile, but it's just not possible sometimes. I am often reminded of my humanity. 

      I loved a passage I read today by Joanna Gaines, "I realized that my determination to make things perfect meant I was chasing an empty obsession all day long. Nothing was ever going to be perfect the way I had envisioned it in the past. Did I want to keep spending my energy on that effort, or did I want to stop out of that obsession and to enjoy my kids, maybe allowing myself to get messy right along with them in the process?...It all came down to a mind shift in which I asked myself, 'What am I going for in life?" Yes Mrs. Joanna Magnolia Homes Gaines herself wrestled with so many things common to the modern mama heart, in this passage speaking specifically about trying to keep a tidy home with four little people in it all day. I can totally relate, with this being one of the many daily things that gets to me. It was so encouraging to read her words today and put a finger on a few things I've been feeling. Life within a family, a business, and relationships is constantly changing and evolving. We have to be willing to evolve with it and accept new seasons that we are in. For example, I am back in the toddler stage again along with having older school-aged children. If I am honest, I have never been one to love the toddler stage anyway. They're adorable but B's into EVERYTHING and I can barely keep him safe in a day, much less be productive! We have to let go of certain constraints and not be so hard on ourselves where it's not the priority. So give me a few more days to contemplate what this looks like for my 2017 and I will get back with you my friends! Happy day after christmas! 

Here's the kiddos in the afternoon after some recover time! Loved seeing those smiles even if still in jammies :) 

 As for the Magnolia Story, if you love Chip & Jo in the show, the book is worth the read! It only took me a couple hours of really reading to get it done so it's perfect if you're on a holiday in the next week! 

Monday Confessions

Friends, it's Christmas week! How on earth?! It's not just the "how is it all going to get done" feeling today for me, but "how is it really the end of another year?!" I have one more Monday Confession for 2016 after this. That really is just hard for me to wrap my brain around. Have I mentioned also that my kids started Christmas break at noon last Friday?! Um yes....ask me how long two of my kids have been playing Mario Kart today?!

In the spirit of keeping it real though, here's today's confessions....

1.  I run about an 11:30 mile on a good day right now. I know, it's slow. I tell myself though that the turtle still beat the hare in the end, right?!

2. There are serious messes in EVERY closet in my house. The crazy thing is that I still know where 99% of everything is, even in the hidden mess. I get annoyed at my kids asking me where everything is, but in reality, I know where they are usually! In my BC life (Before Children), I was very organized and meticulous or so I thought. Now I just shove it in the closet and survive!

3. I confess that I sometimes cut my own hair. Usually it's just the bangs but I've been known to cut it now and then too. 

4. We have an artificial Christmas tree with a cage around it. Two things I SWORE I would never do. Because kids....

5. If you need a good Christmas station, go to Pandora (or Apple Music or whatever you like) and create an Ella Fitzgerald Holiday station for yourself. You will thank me! I have had it on continuously!

6. Need some good slippers? These UGG Dakota Mocs have hardly left my feet since the cold hit!

7. I have a new favorite holiday dip recipe that we love (don't judge it for nutritional value, it's just a treat!) This Zesty Corn Dip will have you going back for more! If you don't like spice, you can eliminate the jalapeño! 

8. I am in the middle of reading Grace Not Perfection by Emily Ley. It's good but a little different than I expected. It's in a similar vein as Present Over Perfect  By Shauna Niequist but some different additions and perspectives. I shared this image over my Instagram (@etroutman) earlier this week when I snuck out for a pedicure! 

9. Need a last minute gift idea for a friend or me? :) I still haven't gotten to grab the Magnolia Story and I am sure the book is as charming as the couple! 

10. I am still finishing up a few Christmas cards that either went rogue and came back to me, or those that I was waiting on addresses! It's one of those things that might feel like a to-do but I get so much joy from receiving Christmas cards that I know it's totally worth it! I am genuinely impressed with all of you that get the whole family photo, because I've pretty much resorted to just trying to get the 4 kids in!

I am going to attempt at fitness class later this afternoon at SDF  so if ya'll don't hear from me soon, you know what happened!  (chuckle...but for real, I've been inconsistent and a class might get me!)